Serbia v Ghana – Match Report

Serbia 0 Ghana 1

Vuvuzela rating: 4.0 – Annoying moan

World Cups, bloody hell. The exciting surrounding them builds up for weeks, months, years on end, only to become a damp squib when they arrive. So far in this year’s tournment there have actually only been 5 goals and 7 attempts on goal, 4 of which were from Lionel Messi. Fact. So pessimists weren’t exactly hoping much for Serbia against Ghana…especially after the debacle of The Red Lion FC versus The Plough FC earlier in the day (or camouflaged as Algeria versus Slovenia by FIFA…)

Serbia would have been rather optimistic however considering they were up against Richard Kingson – a man many Birmingham and Wigan fans will affectionately know as ‘the goalkeeper who can’t even get on our bench’. In all seriousness though, Kingson or his counterpart Vladamir Stojkovic were barely troubled in the first half – oddly enough Stojkovic was on loan at Wigan last season and can’t make it into the first team either, but Chris Kirkland can’t even get a sniff at the England squad, but that’s a topic for another day.

The reason they weren’t troubled? Teams are already being over cautious. When they do attack, teams have been limited in numbers. The only expections to this can really only be Argentina, England and to a degree, Mexico during the first half of the opening game. For some reason sides are refusing to shoot on site despite the supposed swerve these balls can generate. Marko Pantelic struck one extremely sweetly after about 6 seconds which threatened the Ghanaian goal, but little else materialised.

The second half simply came and went without much interest, with the concept of time itself clearly more interested in Germany v Australia – Ghana threatened with a great headed chance from Asamoah Gyan on the hour mark, but he did his best to miss. Serbia sat and gave nothing in terms of supply to Birmingham’s new striker Nikola Zigic; a man who stands over Peter Crouch at 6ft8, but who surely should be utilised more with his aerial advantage.

Serbia’s lack of creativity was compounded with 15 minutes to go with the second yellow card for Aleksander Lukovic, and then Zdravko Kuzmanovic started auditioning for his role in Superman the musical by flying through the air with one arm out in front of him to give Gyan the chance to opening the scoring from the spot which he duly took to upset the form book of another game which was dire rather than desirable. Looking at things, pre-tournament possible threats Serbia have lost interest in the competition…as have most fans who were looking forward to exciting football…don’t worry, New Zealand v Slovakia will be an epic on Tuesday…

Match Statistics (Powered by OptaJoke)

39 – Average number of minutes into the match people flicked over to BBC to see the score in the tennis final at Queen’s.

29,980 – Number of people in the crowd who were actually snoring rather than blowing a vuvazela to make the annoying hum. Nap.

8 – At the current rate, there will have been more red cards than goals at this World Cup in 8 matches time. Temper.

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About carlmcqueen

Founder of Optajoke - www.twitter.com/mrcarlmcqueen
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