Group C – Did we expect anything else from England?

So it’s my job to provide you with an alternative look at Group C, which just so happens to be England’s group. By now you’ll have read the match reports, watched the highlights, phoned the radio shows and commented on the blogs.

So I’ll spare you the analysis or Rob Green jokes and instead give you 6 OptaJoke stats on why we should not have expected England to provide us with anything different on Saturday night.

1).  Out of the last 11 major tournaments England have only won 2 of their opening matches. It could have been the Cook Islands or an Outer Hebredes XI and we still would have flattered to deceive. Sluggish.

2).  Emile Heskey was always going to miss that one on one, he’s made a career out of being the worlds only non goal scoring international striker. Cart horse

3). Ledley King has a body that is as frail as Nelson Mandela’s, the injury was inevitable. Sicknote

4). Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard are as effective as a partnership as Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy. Incompatible.

5). David Beckham could still probably cross a better ball with two snapped achilles, a ruptured cruciate ligament, a hernia and a crushed spine than a fully fit Shaun Wright Phillips and Aaron Lennon. End Product.

6). Jamie Carragher will shout, jump, kick the opposition players and the ball high into the air but he would struggle to win a hundred yard race with Trevor the Tortoise. Super Slowmo.

 Keep the faith…we’ll almost certainly probably beat Algeria 5-0!

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About davidwalker

A proud member of the OptaJoke team, chair of the Student Radio Association & freelance multimedia designer. www.davidcameronwalker.com
This entry was posted in England National Team. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Group C – Did we expect anything else from England?

  1. On point 2 Jose Luis Chilavert and Rene Higuita have both scored more than Heskey which perhaps adds weight to your point. And I am literally afraid of Carragher playing against Algeria. Literally afraid.

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