Accumulator Series: Christmas Special

Week Three

‘Bah humbug!’

Ebenezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol

The Twelve Days of Christmas Accumulator.

Those who have followed my accumulator blogs up until now will realise by now that things have been resoundingly unsuccessful. It is however Christmas and at Christmas two things are more likely to happen:

  1. Miracles
  2. You will explode due to excessive eating/drinking

The fact that miracles are scientifically more likely at Christmas meant that I had to abandon the next accumulator in the series in order to pursue this miracle.  The faith I had in the Christmas miracle put my Hope Mood extremely high. The only thing that dampened the Mood was the nature of the accumulator I was about to undertake; an accumulator based on the carol of the Twelve Days of Christmas. For those who don’t know how it goes, this is the list of what was sent of each day:

Day One: A Partridge in a pear tree.

Day Two: Two Turtle Doves

Day Three: Three French Hens

Day Four: Four Calling Birds

Day Five: Five Gold Rings

Day Six: Six Geese-a-laying

Day Seven: Seven Swans-a-swimming

Day Eight: Eight Maids’ a-milking

Day Nine: Nine Ladies Dancing

Day Ten: Ten Lords a-leaping

Day Eleven: Eleven Pipers Piping

Day Twelve: Twelve drummers drumming,

Will the miracle prevail or will the ridiculous accumulator defeat me again? Let’s just see…


These are the teams I chose and reasons behind them (warning: some of these are incredibly tenuous):

  • Partridge: The best and most famous Partridge of them all is of course Alan Partridge, who was from – Norwich
  • Turtle Doves: Wikipedia describes the flight of the Turtle Dove as being “often arrowy, but is not remarkably swift”. In footballing terms this means the Turtle Dove is clearly the equivalent of Emile Heskey – Aston Villa
  • French Hens: A hen is an animal that makes quite a lot of unnecessary and annoying noise; unnecessary annoying noise + French = Patrice Evra – Man United
  • Calling Birds: According to Wikipedia in the original carol this is actually ‘Four Colly Birds’; a Colly Bird is also known as a Blackbird. Blackbird was a song by The Beatles, who were from – Liverpool
  • Gold Rings: David Gold is the Chairman of – West Ham United
  • Geese: Geese live on rivers and according to Wikipedia (again) the team with the nickname The Riversiders are – Blackburn Rovers
  • Swans: The nickname of – Swansea City
  • Maids: Maids milk Cows, the male version of a Cow is a Bull, the team nicknamed The Bulls are – Hereford United
  • Ladies: Ladies dance in shoes, shoes are made by Cobblers, which is the nickname of – Northampton Town
  • Lords: Lords are related to royalty and the team who are nicknamed The Royals are – Reading
  • Pipers: The Pipers Piping refers to someone playing the Bagpipes; Bagpipes are something that’s annoying, quite a lot of people don’t like and that drones on quite a lot. The footballing equivalent of a bagpipe is therefore Robbie Savage – Derby
  • Drummers: (This is the most tenuous of them all) Dave Grohl is a drummer; he’s also in a band called Foo Fighters and they have a song called Monkeywrench. It’s claimed that during the Napoleonic war the people of Hartlepool hung a Monkey because they believed it was a French spy – Hartlepool United
  1. Place bet on each of the above teams to win
  2. Cross every finger and toe and trust in a miracle.

Teams chosen

NORWICH to beat Crystal Palace away

ASTON VILLA to beat Tottenham Hotspur at home

MAN UNITED to beat Sunderland at home

LIVERPOOL to beat Blackpool away

WEST HAM to beat Fulham away

BLACKBURN to beat Stoke at home

SWANSEA to beat QPR away

HEREFORD to beat Wycombe away

NORTHAMPTON to beat Burton Albion at home

READING to beat Bristol City at home

DERBY to beat Doncaster at home

HARTLEPOOL to beat Huddersfield away


The trouble with these accumulators is quite clearly the teams I pick. Those who have followed my previous trials and tribulations will see that my old foe Northampton Town were in this weeks; the fact that this bogey team were in there did not fill me will great expectations. Those expectations were compounded by the fact I’d bet on bottom of League Two Hereford and bet on a team away from home when they hadn’t won an away game since the beginning of last season; West Ham United. What lowered my expectations even further was to see that from the £5 I had placed on these 12 teams winning, I was set to get over £6.5 million back…those kind of numbers never fill someone with confidence.

The thing about placing accumulators in winter is this; the games are at the mercy of the weather regardless of what you do. As a result of the freezing conditions through England on Boxing Day four out of twelve of the games I’d bet on were called off (it’s a good job the gifts that were sent in the Twelve Days of Christmas carol weren’t sent by Royal Mail, otherwise the snow would’ve meant they would’ve never arrived). This meant that the probability of all eight teams winning got better and the return on my £5 got massively reduced (it dropped to a measly £70,000). This pushed my Hope Mood back up and it remained there until West Ham’s early kick off…

For a team that were in terrible form it is still surprising just how bad they could be; consequently it only took 10 minutes for West Ham to go 1-0 down. They were truly terrible; they couldn’t string two passes together, hold onto the ball for very long or even defend very well. And as a result of those awful qualities, they scored on 37 minutes…and then scored again before half time! The first goal was incredibly lucky but the second gave me justification! Justification for my hope and for my faith! Could this be the time for a Christmas miracle?!

The 73rd minute brought the third West Ham goal and my Hope Mood soared! It wasn’t for too long though as QPR kicked off against Swansea and within 16 minutes were 1-0 up…the sinking feeling was back again. I stayed positive though, all Swansea needed to do was get two goals and everything would be fine. Alternatively what they could’ve done was roll over and let QPR destroy them…which is what they did. QPR scored in 62nd minute and then in 70th and then in the 80th.

What that meant was that in record time my accumulator had failed…again. It didn’t matter what the other results did because just one team had shattered my dreams of accumulator glory.

Well done Swansea City, you’ve ruined Christmas!

Here’s the pretty spectacular nose dive that my Hope Mood did:













This week I got 4 out of 8 right. I have gone back since the previous accumulator…it appears I am getting worse and fate is having her wicked way with me.

Potential Improvements

Looking through the results a few things jump out at me:

  1. Early kick offs may quickly give you hope but they can destroy it even quicker
  2. Betting on a variety of games and some of them being postponed is a good way to boost hope; less teams = more chance of winning
  3. Patrice Evra is a French Hen…never has there been a greater reason for a mass culling.

Next Time:

The Friendship Accumulator.


About danbunker

I watch too much sport.
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